March 03, 2008
Reflection.
Okay, I'll try my best not to sound EMO in this post, because I know it's irritating, and I hate myself for feeling this way too. It's just not right.
But please just click on to other websites if you know you're going to feel annoyed. Because, no, I don't want to annoy anyone. I just want to be able to have some kind of a memory of these events that happened in the past few days, and so in the future I will be able to remember my mistakes.
Well, firstly, WE LOST.
But oh, it was expected. Especially when they announced that there was a total of 43000 votes.
But the thing that made me feel horrible was that we were the first group to be called out. Although the 7 finalists were not announced in any order of merit, I can't help but think we did the worst, and I should have tried my darned hardest to get more votes. And I certainly should have put in more time in the keying ins.
And I'm sorry, to everyone who is disappointed.
I know you do care for me, but sometimes I really wonder if you understand how I feel at all.
You really do have bad timing, honestly. Not that I don't appreciate the concern, but sometimes I just want a break from everything and have some alone time, without having to worry about homework and school and all that crap, but you just have to dash that little hope I have the minute I sit down and feel like actually, really really talking to you. Well, one lesson learnt. REMAIN SILENT.
I realised over these past 2 weeks that I'm not a very good friend after all.
And I shan't elaborate much on this, but to all those whom I've hurt before, I'm really sorry. And I'm not the selfless, noble kind of friend everyone dreams of having. In fact, I'd probably be the most selfish person you'll ever meet. But I can't take it in myself to try to be more patient or caring no matter how sorry I feel, and that just goes to prove that I'm the BIGGEST self-centered idiot around here.
And now, after this whole NEmation fiasco, I don't even feel like doing Cyberfair anymore. And already, I'm thinking of ways to push the responsibility to others. All in all, I'm not even a good person.
Holly Daquel ♥
11:48 PM
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